


Cut to the Feeling

by elegantdalek



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, and ignoring everything after it, post episode 46
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 04:38:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13426971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantdalek/pseuds/elegantdalek
Summary: Mark is tired of staring at Damien's number in his phone.It's time to make a rash decision.





	Cut to the Feeling

Mark saved Damien's number after he called, and had spent many hours thinking about calling Damien, but he certainly didn't think he'd find himself with his phone pressed to his ear at 5am, half hoping, half fearing, that Damien would pick up.

It's not like he’d planned on calling Damien at ass o'clock in the morning. He'd been staring at the ceiling for so long he couldn’t feel the alcohol in his veins anymore, even though he'd nearly gone through another bottle. It just suddenly seemed that the right thing to do, fuck, the only thing to do, was to call Damien.

Yet when the call was finally picked up, Mark went completely still and fought the urge to drop his phone.

"Hello?" Damien's voice was ragged on the other end of the line, but it still inexplicably sent shivers down Mark's spine.

"Damien," Mark said, half exhaling in relief.

A full beat passed before Damien's hesitant reply. "Mark?"

Mark wasn't sure how to respond. Why exactly had he decided to call Damien? Why did he think this was a good idea?

"Want to watch the sunrise with me?" Mark didn't even know where the words came from. He was so tired, so tired of thinking and talking and pretending and trying that the words came out unbidden.

"The sunrise?"

"Yeah, it's in an hour, and I know this great spot to watch it."

Damien was silent for so long that Mark nearly hung up. But then-

"Okay."

"Yeah? I'll pick you up in 15?"

"Sure," Damien said, and Mark was so happy, suddenly filled with a burst of warmth, that he didn't stop to process what had just happened.

"Awesome!" Mark replied, and ended the call, already pulling on his jeans and moving to the bathroom to rub on some deodorant.

He scribbled a hasty note for Joan (“off to Sam's, love you!”) before stuffing his feet into his shoes and leaving the house.

(It didn’t even occur to him to feel guilty about lying to Joan, or using Sam as an excuse. He’d been doing it for weeks now, and hadn’t yet decided to confront himself with that particular issue.)

Joan walked to work and didn't mind Mark using her car, though she had insisted on Mark updating his drivers license before she let him drive anywhere. Mark knew better than to tell her about all the times he'd illegally driven with Damien.

To be fair, Damien hadn't let him drive for nearly two months after the AM, but after an especially long and winding road (no pun intended), Damien gave up the keys, and begrudgingly admitted Mark knew his way around a car. 

Just before pulling out of the parking garage, Mark mentally calculated whether he was sober enough for driving, but as his last drink had been nearly eight hours earlier, and he could certainly hold his liquor, he knew he was good. 

Panic started racing through his veins as he drove into the lightening skies, but he forced it down while navigating the five mile drive he’d traced on google maps repeatedly over the last month. He knew going to see Damien was probably a dumb idea, but he’d been thinking about it for so long without really imagining it would happen, so it felt good to finally act on his desire.

When Mark turned onto the final street, he could see a silhouette in the distance, and knew it was Damien. He slowed down as Damien came into view, and rolled the window down before coming to a complete stop a foot from the sidewalk.

“Mark,” Damien said, with that drawl, and Mark stared up at him, unable to find the right words, and they looked into each other’s eyes for several long seconds before Mark cleared his throat and broke his gaze. 

“Get in!” Mark said, hitting the unlock button, and Damien crossed in front of the headlights before opening the door and sitting down inside the car. “There’s this great spot I’ve found for watching the sunrise,” he said, filling the silence. “It’s maybe 20 minutes away.” 

“Great.”

Mark turned his head slightly and glanced at Damien out of the corner of his eye, but Damien was staring straight ahead, seemingly placid, so Mark pulled back out into the road and hit the gas.

After five minutes of silence Mark realized, to his surprise, that it wasn’t uncomfortable. This, more than anything, solidified his hasty decision. The more Mark thought about Damien and their time together (and he had been more and more, especially after Damien’s drunk phone call the week before), the more Mark realized he did, in fact, like Damien. Or at least enjoy his company. The months on the road had been a lot of things, but the majority of them, or at least the ones he found himself thinking about, had been good. Fun even, at times.

Remembering the long car rides, Mark finally broke the silence. “Have you listened to the new Carly Rae Jepsen song?”

“Cut to the feeling?”

“Yes! It’s such a jam. Every time I hear it I end up bellowing the lyrics out loud.” Mark laughed. “Joanie thinks I’ve gone crazy, but…” he trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. 

Damien stayed silent, and Mark was suddenly furious at him. “Why won’t you say anything? Don’t you think this is weird that I called you out of the blue? Don’t you have anything to say about it, some quippy remark about my timing or my impulse control?”

“Well I certainly can’t argue about your control.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark shouted, and swerved to avoid a sudden squirrel on the road.

“Mark, what do you want from me?” Damien shouted back, and Mark felt a rush of triumph. “I left you alone, which I know you wanted, and then you yelled at me and told me I was a monster, so I figured you really didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“I didn’t call you a monster, I said you were acting like one.”

“Whatever! So what is this? You just wanted to yell at me some more? We could have done this over the phone, and I could have stayed in bed.”

“So why’d you come, then?”

Silence. Mark almost opened his mouth again, but then Damien said something so quietly he didn’t understand.

“What?”

Damien huffed in annoyance. “I wanted to see you.”

For the first time, Mark realized he actually couldn’t feel anything of Damien’s power. Not for him to use, like with any other atypical, or the insistant presence of Damien’s will in his own head.

“I’m sorry,” Mark said. 

“I - huh?”

“I’m sorry that your power is gone. I mean, it’s probably for the best, but I’m still sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through that. No one should. Especially considering how integral to your life it was. It must be like losing your sight, or something.”

“More like insight,” Damien muttered, and Mark laughed out loud at that. He wasn’t sure why, exactly, but he felt loads lighter than he had for weeks.

“I don’t know why I called you,” Mark said, “but it definitely wasn’t to yell at you.”

“Okay.”

Damien pulled out his phone then, and a minute later, ‘Cut to the feeling’ was blasting through the car speakers. Mark looked at Damien and grinned, and they spent the rest of the drive singing along to Carly Rae Jepsen.

The sky was getting brighter by the minute when Mark pulled into the empty parking lot of the overlook. It was a short climb to the peak overlooking the valley, and Mark turned to the steps but stopped when he saw Damien staring up at the sky. 

“Damien?” Mark asked, and Damien smiled slightly and extended a finger skyward.

“Jupiter,” he said, pointing to the bright spot of light in the deep blue sky. “And there’s Mars, just below. It’s a lot dimmer cause it’s on the other side of the sun.”

Mark chuckled to himself in disbelief. “I didn’t know you were into astronomy.”

“I was when I was a kid, but I hardly know much about it now,” Damien said, still looking up at the planets. “I’ve just spent a lot of sleepless nights wandering around outside. I got curious. Maybe if I’d kept going to school-”

“You ever think about going back?”

Damien huffed. “I never even finished middle school.” He turned then, finally, and smiled at Mark. “You’re not the only one with impulse control problems.”

Mark was overwhelmed, then, with the need for contact. He walked the few steps to Damien and tugged him into a hug. Damien stilled, but after a second tightened his arms around Mark. “I missed you,” Mark said into Damien’s shoulder, and could almost swear he felt the rapid pulse of Damien’s heartbeat against his cheek. “Now we gotta hurry before we miss the sunrise!” he said, pulling away. 

Damien cleared his throat. “I think this is the sunrise,” he said, gesturing to the colored clouds surrounding the horizon as they climbed the steps. 

“Yeah, but we can’t miss the sun.”

“If the clouds totally obstruct the sun, then is it still a sunrise?” Damien laughed. 

“Look at you, using big words like obstruct.”

“Hey, just because I have a middle school education doesn’t mean I don’t read.”

“What’s your favorite book, ‘How to win friends and influence people’?”

Damien snorted and Mark grinned in delight. “I never mastered the friends part, though.” 

“I don’t know, I think we’re doing okay,” Mark said. 

Damien turned to look at him. “Is that what we are?” he asked softer. “Friends?”

Mark sighed. “I’m not sure what we are, Damien. Obviously there’s a lot here that’s happened between us, and I don’t wanna pretend it didn’t happen. But, I want to at least try being friends.” His voice nearly turned that last statement into a question, and Mark turned away and took the final steps to the top of the overlook. There was a bench off to the side, near a cluster of trees, and Mark went to it and sat, looking at the horizon. 

After what felt like an eternity, Damien sat down beside Mark and they watched the sun finally peak into the morning sky. 

“I’d like that,” Damien said quietly, and Mark felt the fluttering of his heart in his chest. 

“Good,” Mark replied, “because I don’t want to lose you. Even if you are a pain in the ass sometimes.” Damien rolled his eyes and Mark leaned against him and pressed a quick kiss to Damien’s temple. “This is the sunrise,” he said, pointing at the increasingly radiant sun. 

“I am sorry,” Damien said. “For everything. I don’t know if that can change anything at this point, but I am. For kidnapping you, and lying to you, making you tell me things, for threatening to hurt people, fuck, for not apologizing sooner. I don’t exactly know how this ‘normal life’ thing works.” Damien turned to look at him, and Mark felt Damien’s gaze intently. “But I’m trying.”

Mark was surprised by how ernest Damien was being, and couldn’t help but nod. “You are,” he said, and smiled to himself when Damien hesitantly put his arm around Mark’s shoulders. 

Mark scooted closer to Damien so they were pressed side by side, and together they looked out at the horizon.

And even though it was becoming too bright to look at directly, Mark stared at the sun for just a second longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in years but this ship has been killing me the last few weeks. 
> 
> I know canonically 'Cut to the feeling' won't come out for a few months, but shh. Also Lauren Shippen confirmed in her playlist notes that Damien is a fan of CRJ (who isn't?)


End file.
